Recently, I had a conversation with a friend that said it was “admirable” of how my husband and I were able to hold our heads high and smile even though we are facing adversity. I explained that talking about our problems were the only way we were going to overcome that big river of denial we were floating down.
I explained that we are not the only family that we know that has been crunched by these hard times. We are not the only people that have fallen from middle-class to become the working poor. We are not alone. I explained that it is hard to talk about “it”, that we carry a lot of shame – but that the embarrassment will be less if our friends and family are aware of our situation in advance and not caught by surprise when our home is taken over by foreclosure.
I told her that, by sharing, we learned that 90% of our friends and family were in the same boat as us. They too are paddling with one oar, down a waterfall. “Still”, she said, “It is great that you are able to smile through it and joke”. I tried to reassure her that our everyday is not filled with joy – antacids have become dessert of choice (the tropical fruit flavors are great!). We worry, we argue – we are afraid. But we also realize: We have each other and our love, we have our family, we have our friends, and we have our health. These things can not be replaced.
We also know that for a long time we lived in financial gluttony, we are paying the price for our poor choices over money. We are in a position of learning important life lessons. We will never make these mistakes again, should we be fortunate enough to be “up there” again. And no matter what happens – we are role models for our children; the effect on them must be minimal. Their happiness is important. They must be touched minimally by this.
My friend looked down and straightened the bottom of her sweater, and quietly said, “We can’t get past the arguing. It’s hard. We know that we will always be together, but we are afraid of losing our house of losing everything.” This was her first step in admitting publicly that her family is in trouble; like us – they are proud. These are difficult times. What she didn't understand was that we already knew that they were in trouble, it wasn't a secret and she didn't understand that losing the house was not losing EVERYTHING.
We are fortunate to realize, that as bad as things are – we know that the worst is yet to come. This gives us an advantage of perspective. We have made peace with the possibility of losing our home – we have lost about $200k of equity in about 4 months. We can’t afford the upkeep, our bills, or the mortgage – our family has become too large for the home, our bills too large for our wallets. It would almost be a favor to be able to get out from under our house and be able to rent a larger house for a price less than our mortgage. But we are limbo – to keep the house or walk away???? This wasn’t a “flip”, this has been our home for almost 10 years. It is the family house – the place to come home to. It is filled with memories, filled with love – filled with blood, sweat, and tears. But it is not living and breathing – it can move on without knowing any difference. We can move on – we can survive this. We have each other and we have our health, after all….If you were to look at our “problems” with a different eye – a different perspective, you would see that they are really trivial in the grand scheme of things. So, as we float down this river - we will grab an oar and keep paddling! We will not sink - As long as we have eachother...We will not lose it ALL!!!
I explained that we are not the only family that we know that has been crunched by these hard times. We are not the only people that have fallen from middle-class to become the working poor. We are not alone. I explained that it is hard to talk about “it”, that we carry a lot of shame – but that the embarrassment will be less if our friends and family are aware of our situation in advance and not caught by surprise when our home is taken over by foreclosure.
I told her that, by sharing, we learned that 90% of our friends and family were in the same boat as us. They too are paddling with one oar, down a waterfall. “Still”, she said, “It is great that you are able to smile through it and joke”. I tried to reassure her that our everyday is not filled with joy – antacids have become dessert of choice (the tropical fruit flavors are great!). We worry, we argue – we are afraid. But we also realize: We have each other and our love, we have our family, we have our friends, and we have our health. These things can not be replaced.
We also know that for a long time we lived in financial gluttony, we are paying the price for our poor choices over money. We are in a position of learning important life lessons. We will never make these mistakes again, should we be fortunate enough to be “up there” again. And no matter what happens – we are role models for our children; the effect on them must be minimal. Their happiness is important. They must be touched minimally by this.
My friend looked down and straightened the bottom of her sweater, and quietly said, “We can’t get past the arguing. It’s hard. We know that we will always be together, but we are afraid of losing our house of losing everything.” This was her first step in admitting publicly that her family is in trouble; like us – they are proud. These are difficult times. What she didn't understand was that we already knew that they were in trouble, it wasn't a secret and she didn't understand that losing the house was not losing EVERYTHING.
We are fortunate to realize, that as bad as things are – we know that the worst is yet to come. This gives us an advantage of perspective. We have made peace with the possibility of losing our home – we have lost about $200k of equity in about 4 months. We can’t afford the upkeep, our bills, or the mortgage – our family has become too large for the home, our bills too large for our wallets. It would almost be a favor to be able to get out from under our house and be able to rent a larger house for a price less than our mortgage. But we are limbo – to keep the house or walk away???? This wasn’t a “flip”, this has been our home for almost 10 years. It is the family house – the place to come home to. It is filled with memories, filled with love – filled with blood, sweat, and tears. But it is not living and breathing – it can move on without knowing any difference. We can move on – we can survive this. We have each other and we have our health, after all….If you were to look at our “problems” with a different eye – a different perspective, you would see that they are really trivial in the grand scheme of things. So, as we float down this river - we will grab an oar and keep paddling! We will not sink - As long as we have eachother...We will not lose it ALL!!!
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment